Another Day

I'm getting obsessive about checking my email lately; I keep hoping for a response on this house that W and I were so hopeful about. I have to give it a rest; all I'm going to be doing is making myself insane. Misery lies in obsession.

Hope for me though, alright, guys?

W and I went and looked at a couple other places today, put in a few phone calls so that we don't get caught flat on our backs if the place we're hopeful about falls through. I could really use a little bit of a break now, Universe. We all could.

106 days until the wedding - I put together an example of an alternative 'guest book' for the wedding; I hope W likes the idea - the relative sterility of traditional guest books kinda turn me off of them, and I rather like the... familiarity... in the type that I put together. Hope hope.

I also went and bought lingerie yesterday; for those of you that know me, you know that this is, in some ways, herculean. While W bears the brunt of the playful harassment about being old fashioned, reality states that he's really only slightly more conservative than me. That said, it's a fine line to walk between 'interesting' and 'whore-ish'. I think I did a pretty good job. Hope hope hope.

There's been an increased amount of... thoughtfulness?... going on recently. I was wondering in particular about what it was that had W start dating me, just over 2.5 years ago. It's hard to believe that we're closer to three than to two. W is 31 years my senior; we started dating on December 7th, 2007 - I was 21 years old, and, to the best of my recollection, very much like your average 21 year old at the time. While I know that we all must start somewhere, and we are all in a constant process of growth, in remembering the person I was when we met, I am still vaguely embarrassed.

So naturally, I asked him.

His response was that I seemed to be as crazy as he is, and he liked that. He also said he sort of sensed that there was something different... We both seem to have felt that while we didn't have to date, we couldn't not date.

Funny story...
Last night, the two of us went into the city to meet up with some friends at a new-to-us bar. W, naturally, got dressed with a heavy emphasis on the earthy tones of his life; last night, in particular, he went with a bear theme - bear shirt, bear necklaces, bear bracelet, bear belt buckle... bears everywhere.
Only as we arrived at our destination did we see how interesting of an evening this could prove to be; the bar our friends had selected was a Bear specific gay bar. (For those not familiar with the jargon, a 'Bear' is a gay, (generally) middle-aged male with a hairy chest.
W meets all of those criteria.
He was the most popular straight guy around last night, I'm pretty sure.

He is my better half, just as I know he thinks I am his.

I'd like to give another mention to Life's That Way, by Jim Beaver. I don't know what to say about the book, except that it makes me feel less afraid. It's a book that I'm going to hold onto, because it gives me faith that, should the worst thing I can imagine ever happen, I won't be alone.

I wish I could tell the author that.

I've never felt connected to a person, just because of a book.

Not that you'll ever see this, Jim Beaver - and thank you.