March, for me, is to be a month of completion.
So far, I have:
-Finished the drawing of the female flamingo for the bathroom
-Completed the first run through of the novel (Still gotta enter changes into the computer)
- Made some headway on a letter to myself I've been working on
- Wrapped up the entry for February
- Put a post out to start getting the Crested Geckos sold
- Written some spoken word pieces
- Now, I will have blogged about my intent for March
- Gained some more closure with an incident that occurred a few years ago; this took the form of writing, reading, and recording a spoken word piece - you can view it below:
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
So it was really 16 days...
February 8th - A short love note, including a list of things I love about him (I think I got to 60 before my lunch break was over).
Materials: Pen, Paper
Cost: $0.00
Rating: A
He actually hasn't read the note yet; it's still sitting in his pocket, to the best of my knowledge. I, however, enjoyed writing it - it helped me re-presence myself to all of the things that I love about my husband. It's sweet, and he can keep it in his wallet for future reference, in case he (like myself) has a bad day and ever wonders what the other person sees in them. In that sense, it's useful. While lacking in 'dramatic visual impact', this one has a subtler pull, and one that you can carry quietly in your mind.
February 9th - Boxes full of 'Kiss' coupons
Materials: Two small gift boxes (the kind you'd receive jewelry in), and two bags of Hershey's Kisses
Cost: $5.00
Rating: A
This took a little bit of time, but not too long; I had to /carefully/ remove the little strips of paper that come sticking out of the Kisses, and then (because I can't eat sugar), I had to re-wrap the Kisses. For those less diet restricted, eating them would probably save some time. Then, I took all the little strips of paper and filled the gift boxes with them, and let him know that each paper was 'redeemable for a kiss'. Cute, visually appealing (while not dramatic), and not too time or energy consuming - plus, now we have candy in the house.
February 10th - Home Made 'Love Coupons'
Materials: Pen and a pad of paper
Cost: $0.00
Rating: A
Quick, easy, and he's already redeemed one of them (a coupon redeemable for a full day of me wearing an article of pink clothing). Lacking in visual impact, but they have practical application, are VERY easy to personalize, and you can make them as complex or simple as you like, fun, flirty, sexy - anything goes!
February 11th - K<3 W Fuse Bead Decoration
Materials: Fuse beads and an iron
Cost: $0.00
Rating: B-
Already had the supplies from a project at work; this took forever and broke within 24 hours. Lot of potential, but too time consuming and not useful enough for my tastes, hence the B-.
February 12th - Brought Cookies To His Work
Materials: Cookie mix, eggs, margarine, stove, some kitchen supplies (bowl, spoons, paper plates, saran-wrap), red curling ribbon - plus someone to drive me down and back
Cost: Approximately $6.00
Rating: A+
Again, this really played to Wolf's love of overly obvious shows of affection - everyone at work gets to enjoy the cookies (Who doesn't love cookies?!?), he gets to receive them in front of his whole crew of coworkers, and I get to be the 'cool wife'. Additionally, Wolf (secretly) loves when I do domestic stuff, especially since its so unlike me, and since this involved baking...Again, quick, easy, and highly visible. Definitely a keeper.
February 13th - Tea, a Couple More Cookies, and a Card
Materials: Tea, kettle, card, pen, saran-wrap, red curling ribbon, and some 'extra' cookies from a batch I made for my dad
Cost: $0.00
Rating: A
Technically, this cost a couple dollars for the cookies I made for my dad, but since I was making those for someone else anyway, I'm not counting that into the cost. Wolf was sick (had been for a while, actually, and I was getting to be pretty disease-ridden myself), so I made him some tea I'd found that was really good, wrapped up a couple more cookies, and gave him a card I'd got for free with a purchase from Frederick's
February 14th - Shirt, DVD, and Letters
Materials: Computer, printer, envelopes, wrapping paper, shirt, DVD, and some more of that red curling ribbon
Cost: $25
Rating: A+
I knew that Wolf had been wanting a black dress shirt for a while, so I went to the store and found one of those. We both loved the movie Death At A Funeral, so I picked that up for him as well (on sale!). Then, I went through and printed up a bunch of little journal entries that I had written throughout the course of our dating/engagement career, and folded them up inside envelopes, titled them with whatever the topic was ('First time my mom complimented you', etc.) Happy Valentines Day!
Between getting sick and running low on ideas, I cut things short and ended on Valentines day. I had fun, and thoroughly recommend trying something like this yourself for your sweetheart!
Total days: 16
Total cost: $51.00
Materials: Pen, Paper
Cost: $0.00
Rating: A
He actually hasn't read the note yet; it's still sitting in his pocket, to the best of my knowledge. I, however, enjoyed writing it - it helped me re-presence myself to all of the things that I love about my husband. It's sweet, and he can keep it in his wallet for future reference, in case he (like myself) has a bad day and ever wonders what the other person sees in them. In that sense, it's useful. While lacking in 'dramatic visual impact', this one has a subtler pull, and one that you can carry quietly in your mind.
February 9th - Boxes full of 'Kiss' coupons
Materials: Two small gift boxes (the kind you'd receive jewelry in), and two bags of Hershey's Kisses
Cost: $5.00
Rating: A
This took a little bit of time, but not too long; I had to /carefully/ remove the little strips of paper that come sticking out of the Kisses, and then (because I can't eat sugar), I had to re-wrap the Kisses. For those less diet restricted, eating them would probably save some time. Then, I took all the little strips of paper and filled the gift boxes with them, and let him know that each paper was 'redeemable for a kiss'. Cute, visually appealing (while not dramatic), and not too time or energy consuming - plus, now we have candy in the house.
February 10th - Home Made 'Love Coupons'
Materials: Pen and a pad of paper
Cost: $0.00
Rating: A
Quick, easy, and he's already redeemed one of them (a coupon redeemable for a full day of me wearing an article of pink clothing). Lacking in visual impact, but they have practical application, are VERY easy to personalize, and you can make them as complex or simple as you like, fun, flirty, sexy - anything goes!
February 11th - K<3 W Fuse Bead Decoration
Materials: Fuse beads and an iron
Cost: $0.00
Rating: B-
Already had the supplies from a project at work; this took forever and broke within 24 hours. Lot of potential, but too time consuming and not useful enough for my tastes, hence the B-.
February 12th - Brought Cookies To His Work
Materials: Cookie mix, eggs, margarine, stove, some kitchen supplies (bowl, spoons, paper plates, saran-wrap), red curling ribbon - plus someone to drive me down and back
Cost: Approximately $6.00
Rating: A+
Again, this really played to Wolf's love of overly obvious shows of affection - everyone at work gets to enjoy the cookies (Who doesn't love cookies?!?), he gets to receive them in front of his whole crew of coworkers, and I get to be the 'cool wife'. Additionally, Wolf (secretly) loves when I do domestic stuff, especially since its so unlike me, and since this involved baking...Again, quick, easy, and highly visible. Definitely a keeper.
February 13th - Tea, a Couple More Cookies, and a Card
Materials: Tea, kettle, card, pen, saran-wrap, red curling ribbon, and some 'extra' cookies from a batch I made for my dad
Cost: $0.00
Rating: A
Technically, this cost a couple dollars for the cookies I made for my dad, but since I was making those for someone else anyway, I'm not counting that into the cost. Wolf was sick (had been for a while, actually, and I was getting to be pretty disease-ridden myself), so I made him some tea I'd found that was really good, wrapped up a couple more cookies, and gave him a card I'd got for free with a purchase from Frederick's
February 14th - Shirt, DVD, and Letters
Materials: Computer, printer, envelopes, wrapping paper, shirt, DVD, and some more of that red curling ribbon
Cost: $25
Rating: A+
I knew that Wolf had been wanting a black dress shirt for a while, so I went to the store and found one of those. We both loved the movie Death At A Funeral, so I picked that up for him as well (on sale!). Then, I went through and printed up a bunch of little journal entries that I had written throughout the course of our dating/engagement career, and folded them up inside envelopes, titled them with whatever the topic was ('First time my mom complimented you', etc.) Happy Valentines Day!
Between getting sick and running low on ideas, I cut things short and ended on Valentines day. I had fun, and thoroughly recommend trying something like this yourself for your sweetheart!
Total days: 16
Total cost: $51.00
Monday, February 7, 2011
Flirting Month Continues
February 3rd - A bunch of Stars
Materials: Strips of origami paper for folding stars, a gift bag, and some napkins to help fill up the bottom of the bag.
Cost: $0.00 (Supplies were donated by a friend of mine.)
Rating: B+
This was super cute, but lacking in visual impact as well as practicality. I folded a bunch of little origami stars, and gave them to him, "My favorite Star Person" (he's Lakota, and they call themselves the Star People). Folding the stars took quite a bit of time, and while I did something on the order of 150+ of them, they not even half filled the smallest little gift bag I could find.
February 4th - Goldfish Love Note
Materials: Paper, Watercolor Paint, Elmers Glue, and one Googly Eye
Cost: $0.00 (Was doing a project with the kids at work, and just made one as well, then asked if I could bring it home.)
Rating: B
With the exception of drying time, this was very quick, and particularly easy. I already had the stencil that I was going to use for the kids project, and so I just made one as well. (I'll provide photos later, and maybe a stencil&directions depending on demand - you can probably just find it on the internet.) On the back, I wrote a cheesy love note, and voila. Neat looking, and pretty useless.
February 5th - IT'S A TWO-FER! Ironed some of his shirts (9 of them, to be precise), and had flowers 'delivered' to him at work.
Materials: Iron, Spray Bottle, Flowers, Vase, Card, and a willing friend
Cost: Approximately $15 (For the flowers and card - borrowed the vase and a friend 'delivered' the flowers)
Rating: A+
Wolf's penchant for over-the-top romanticism really helped make this one a hit. Not only did he get flowers, he got them at work, where EVERYONE could see that he was getting flowers delivered. Wolf loves this sort of attention, so he was talking about this all weekend. Grade A+ for impact, and it got both of us kudos from all of his coworkers - I get to be the awesome wife, he gets to have the awesome wife. It's a win-win. The ironing of the shirts, while time consuming, was also very useful, and he appreciated that as well.
February 6th - Garage Door Love Note
Materials: Paper, Pen, Painting Tape
Cost: $0.00 (Had everything we needed already)
Rating: A+
For this one, I wrote one letter on each piece of paper (large enough to be read from the street), then taped the pieces of paper across the outside of our garage door. Quick, easy, with high visual impact, and it plays right into his love of overly showy gestures.
February 7th - VS Catalog
Materials: Pen, Post-it Note, Victoria's Secret Catalog
Cost: $0.00 (They give the catalog away free at the store, and the other stuff I had)
Rating: A
This one gets an A rating because of it's potential. The VS Catalog has everything from every day wear (shirts, jeans, etc) to lingerie - basically, I wrote a note that invited him to go through and rate the outfits, 'Just for future reference.' Even if he never gets around to it, its fun and flirty, took all of 30 seconds to put together, and gets the mind to work.
Tomorrow: A short love note, including a list of things I love about him.
Materials: Strips of origami paper for folding stars, a gift bag, and some napkins to help fill up the bottom of the bag.
Cost: $0.00 (Supplies were donated by a friend of mine.)
Rating: B+
This was super cute, but lacking in visual impact as well as practicality. I folded a bunch of little origami stars, and gave them to him, "My favorite Star Person" (he's Lakota, and they call themselves the Star People). Folding the stars took quite a bit of time, and while I did something on the order of 150+ of them, they not even half filled the smallest little gift bag I could find.
February 4th - Goldfish Love Note
Materials: Paper, Watercolor Paint, Elmers Glue, and one Googly Eye
Cost: $0.00 (Was doing a project with the kids at work, and just made one as well, then asked if I could bring it home.)
Rating: B
With the exception of drying time, this was very quick, and particularly easy. I already had the stencil that I was going to use for the kids project, and so I just made one as well. (I'll provide photos later, and maybe a stencil&directions depending on demand - you can probably just find it on the internet.) On the back, I wrote a cheesy love note, and voila. Neat looking, and pretty useless.
February 5th - IT'S A TWO-FER! Ironed some of his shirts (9 of them, to be precise), and had flowers 'delivered' to him at work.
Materials: Iron, Spray Bottle, Flowers, Vase, Card, and a willing friend
Cost: Approximately $15 (For the flowers and card - borrowed the vase and a friend 'delivered' the flowers)
Rating: A+
Wolf's penchant for over-the-top romanticism really helped make this one a hit. Not only did he get flowers, he got them at work, where EVERYONE could see that he was getting flowers delivered. Wolf loves this sort of attention, so he was talking about this all weekend. Grade A+ for impact, and it got both of us kudos from all of his coworkers - I get to be the awesome wife, he gets to have the awesome wife. It's a win-win. The ironing of the shirts, while time consuming, was also very useful, and he appreciated that as well.
February 6th - Garage Door Love Note
Materials: Paper, Pen, Painting Tape
Cost: $0.00 (Had everything we needed already)
Rating: A+
For this one, I wrote one letter on each piece of paper (large enough to be read from the street), then taped the pieces of paper across the outside of our garage door. Quick, easy, with high visual impact, and it plays right into his love of overly showy gestures.
February 7th - VS Catalog
Materials: Pen, Post-it Note, Victoria's Secret Catalog
Cost: $0.00 (They give the catalog away free at the store, and the other stuff I had)
Rating: A
This one gets an A rating because of it's potential. The VS Catalog has everything from every day wear (shirts, jeans, etc) to lingerie - basically, I wrote a note that invited him to go through and rate the outfits, 'Just for future reference.' Even if he never gets around to it, its fun and flirty, took all of 30 seconds to put together, and gets the mind to work.
Tomorrow: A short love note, including a list of things I love about him.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
12 Months Of Excellence
January was "Spiritual Development Month" in my "12 Months of Excellence" project. Every month I will be working on different aspects of my life.
For the moth of January, I was working on my spiritual self. The goals were to 1) eliminate impulse buying, 2) journal for 15 minutes every day, 3) meditate for 5 minutes every day, and 4) do some sort of 'spiritual' reading every day.
I did remarkably well with goal number one, eliminating impulse buying; I was able to pay off my credit card bill in full for the month of January as well as December, front rent for the house, pay off 2/3 of my doctor bills, and still squirrel away some money into savings.
Journaling also went well - I did 26/31 days, which is a lot more than I would have done otherwise. Meditating was sort of hit or miss after the first week and a half, and reading I did about 2/3 of the time.
I declare January a success.
February is "Fit and Flirty Month" - I will be performing one romantic act each day (actually from January 30th to Feb 28th, so a full 30 days) on shoestring budget, as well as working on getting in shape.
The romantic acts I have completed thus far:
January 30th - Constructed a ginormous card out of a cardboard box and some tape.
Materials: Cardboard box, packing tape, painters tape, markers, scissors, a bunch of Lunardi's bags.
Cost: $0.00 (everything I needed, we already had)
Rating: C+
As far as visual impact, this one has a lot of potential - unfortunately, it took a lot more time and energy than I had anticipated, and as such I ran out of steam. It was a fun and cute idea, but next time I would give myself more time so that I don't just end up scribbling on it - it'd look cooler if I had taken more time.
January 31st - Burned him a CD of Queen's greatest hits.
Materials: Computer with itunes, original CD, and a CD to burn it onto
Cost: $0.00 (borrowed CD from a friend, and the CD-Rs were donated from my parents)
Rating: A+
Not only was this quick and easy (I lucked out and have a friend that had the music I wanted to burn), but it's actually a usable gift (unlike the humongous card). He loved it, and it's something he'll get to enjoy over and over (and he can think of me every time he does!).
February 1st - Made a mobius strip love note.
Materials: Pen, tape, and a large piece of construction paper that can be cut into strips
Cost: $0.00 (used paper from work, extras were used for an art project with the kids)
Rating: B
The hardest part of this was the spacing; getting the wording to end where it was supposed to took a while, but other than that it was pretty easy. Even having to rewrite it, the entire thing only took about 30 minutes to put together. Gave it a B because while it's cute and pretty easy, it lacks both visual impact and usefulness.
February 2nd - Recorded me singing a verse of 'Have I Told You Lately' and sent it to him on his phone via MMS
Materials: Iphone
Cost: $0.00 (Already had them)
Rating: B+
Though it lacks in visual impact and 'usefulness', the ridiculousness of this one (I'm definitely not a trained vocalist) definitely earns it points - not to mention that it takes no physical space to store, he can play it back whenever he likes, and he can use it to embarrass me at the drop of a hat. ;)
February 3rd (Tomorrow) - I folded a bunch of little origami stars, and I'll be giving them to him, "My favorite Star Person" (he's Lakota, and they call themselves the Star People). More on how that goes later.
Getting 'in shape' takes the form of working on my diet - increasing my protein intake, as well as diligently separating my carbs from my proteins - and getting some definition back, specifically in my core.
For the moth of January, I was working on my spiritual self. The goals were to 1) eliminate impulse buying, 2) journal for 15 minutes every day, 3) meditate for 5 minutes every day, and 4) do some sort of 'spiritual' reading every day.
I did remarkably well with goal number one, eliminating impulse buying; I was able to pay off my credit card bill in full for the month of January as well as December, front rent for the house, pay off 2/3 of my doctor bills, and still squirrel away some money into savings.
Journaling also went well - I did 26/31 days, which is a lot more than I would have done otherwise. Meditating was sort of hit or miss after the first week and a half, and reading I did about 2/3 of the time.
I declare January a success.
February is "Fit and Flirty Month" - I will be performing one romantic act each day (actually from January 30th to Feb 28th, so a full 30 days) on shoestring budget, as well as working on getting in shape.
The romantic acts I have completed thus far:
January 30th - Constructed a ginormous card out of a cardboard box and some tape.
Materials: Cardboard box, packing tape, painters tape, markers, scissors, a bunch of Lunardi's bags.
Cost: $0.00 (everything I needed, we already had)
Rating: C+
As far as visual impact, this one has a lot of potential - unfortunately, it took a lot more time and energy than I had anticipated, and as such I ran out of steam. It was a fun and cute idea, but next time I would give myself more time so that I don't just end up scribbling on it - it'd look cooler if I had taken more time.
January 31st - Burned him a CD of Queen's greatest hits.
Materials: Computer with itunes, original CD, and a CD to burn it onto
Cost: $0.00 (borrowed CD from a friend, and the CD-Rs were donated from my parents)
Rating: A+
Not only was this quick and easy (I lucked out and have a friend that had the music I wanted to burn), but it's actually a usable gift (unlike the humongous card). He loved it, and it's something he'll get to enjoy over and over (and he can think of me every time he does!).
February 1st - Made a mobius strip love note.
Materials: Pen, tape, and a large piece of construction paper that can be cut into strips
Cost: $0.00 (used paper from work, extras were used for an art project with the kids)
Rating: B
The hardest part of this was the spacing; getting the wording to end where it was supposed to took a while, but other than that it was pretty easy. Even having to rewrite it, the entire thing only took about 30 minutes to put together. Gave it a B because while it's cute and pretty easy, it lacks both visual impact and usefulness.
February 2nd - Recorded me singing a verse of 'Have I Told You Lately' and sent it to him on his phone via MMS
Materials: Iphone
Cost: $0.00 (Already had them)
Rating: B+
Though it lacks in visual impact and 'usefulness', the ridiculousness of this one (I'm definitely not a trained vocalist) definitely earns it points - not to mention that it takes no physical space to store, he can play it back whenever he likes, and he can use it to embarrass me at the drop of a hat. ;)
February 3rd (Tomorrow) - I folded a bunch of little origami stars, and I'll be giving them to him, "My favorite Star Person" (he's Lakota, and they call themselves the Star People). More on how that goes later.
Getting 'in shape' takes the form of working on my diet - increasing my protein intake, as well as diligently separating my carbs from my proteins - and getting some definition back, specifically in my core.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Winding Down 2010
2010 has been an incredible year - the highs have been higher, the lows have been lower. At this point, I feel like I should give it a huge long entry - I have definitely learned an incredible amount. As it stands, however, I think I'm going to summarize it with just a few bullets, and some photos of the wedding, which somehow made everything else worth while.
Here are a few of the highlights:
- Stood up to my parents for something that I believe in
- Brought my family and friends together in ways I could never have imagined, by being true to myself
- Started renting my first home
- Planned my own wedding
- Got married (THANK YOU, to everyone that came out to help make that day special for us - we love you all)
- Moved out of my parents house
- Giants won the World Series
- I wrote a rough draft of a novel (in 30 days!)
- Got some kick-ass new reptile tanks
- Celebrated two years as a preschool teacher
- Husband got a new job, that he absolutely loves
- First Xmas as a married couple
Here are a few of the highlights:
- Stood up to my parents for something that I believe in
- Brought my family and friends together in ways I could never have imagined, by being true to myself
- Started renting my first home
- Planned my own wedding
- Got married (THANK YOU, to everyone that came out to help make that day special for us - we love you all)
- Moved out of my parents house
- Giants won the World Series
- I wrote a rough draft of a novel (in 30 days!)
- Got some kick-ass new reptile tanks
- Celebrated two years as a preschool teacher
- Husband got a new job, that he absolutely loves
- First Xmas as a married couple
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Well...That Was Interesting
When I was a kid - maybe seven or eight years old, could have been a little older or a little younger - my parents got involved with some 'transformational' work; sort of like life coaching, but on a group level. They're still involved with this, and over the course of the time that they've been involved with it, it's made an incredible (positive) difference in the quality of their lives, and in my own.
It's a field that offers an incredible range of tools, and there's something in it for everyone. I'm not really sure how it works, only that it's one of those things that - if you put your all into it - you will get something amazing back.
I've never been particularly adept at describing the remarkable things that people get out of it and discover for themselves, so I'm not really going to try - it's not necessary here - I'll leave it that I've never seen anyone walk away from one of the weekends without something that they can take and put into use.
I've done a number of their courses; one of them I did on at least three occasions (I think it was actually four or five) as a kid, and two other ones as a teen/adult. Every time, I threw myself into them; I never did a half-assed job on any of the work.
It's also a program that I continue to have a remarkable resistance to registering into. Every time I'm approached with it, a number of conversations come up. Some of them are issues I've had with the old format of registration, some of them are more personal.
I remember having it 'pushed' for a long time and my natural rebellious streak kicks in - having done it before, though, I know that they've provided some amazing tools for me in my life; that's a relatively 'easy' conversation to dismiss.
I remember the childhood feeling of having my parents be gone on weekends, that fear of abandonment and anger - again, I can recognize it and move around it with relative alacrity.
I remember the feeling, both as a child and an adult (completely unrelated to any of this work) that there was something wrong with me; that I was somehow different, broken. I remember feeling separate from people, unable to connect, 'unlovable', 'not good enough'.
I remember my parents suggesting the work to me, knowing that it makes a huge difference for people.
I remember feeling like maybe if I did enough of the work, that I would be 'fixed'. I remember walking away with an amazing amount of tools, a lot of things that were very helpful, a brand new lease on life... And still feeling isolated, different and broken in a lot of ways. (I've since found a way of living that has alleviated that.) I remember - in continuing to feel 'broken' in the weeks following the courses - the feelings of disappointment, let down, and of being deceived.
I remember my friends rolling their eyes at me, and being made fun of for taking part in those courses.
That last one is still particularly painful.
I didn't even know that I was carrying those last two around until my dad offered me a registration into a course that's coming up that would be paid for, half the length of the typical course, and much more workable hours (in other words, the 'usual' turn-offs were already managed) - and I still had a whole bunch of stuff come up.
Whether or not I registered, I figured it was definitely worth taking a look at what was being triggered.
Either way, it was a nice reminder to take a look at the tools I have and - well, maybe /use/ them with a little more frequency. ;)
It's a field that offers an incredible range of tools, and there's something in it for everyone. I'm not really sure how it works, only that it's one of those things that - if you put your all into it - you will get something amazing back.
I've never been particularly adept at describing the remarkable things that people get out of it and discover for themselves, so I'm not really going to try - it's not necessary here - I'll leave it that I've never seen anyone walk away from one of the weekends without something that they can take and put into use.
I've done a number of their courses; one of them I did on at least three occasions (I think it was actually four or five) as a kid, and two other ones as a teen/adult. Every time, I threw myself into them; I never did a half-assed job on any of the work.
It's also a program that I continue to have a remarkable resistance to registering into. Every time I'm approached with it, a number of conversations come up. Some of them are issues I've had with the old format of registration, some of them are more personal.
I remember having it 'pushed' for a long time and my natural rebellious streak kicks in - having done it before, though, I know that they've provided some amazing tools for me in my life; that's a relatively 'easy' conversation to dismiss.
I remember the childhood feeling of having my parents be gone on weekends, that fear of abandonment and anger - again, I can recognize it and move around it with relative alacrity.
I remember the feeling, both as a child and an adult (completely unrelated to any of this work) that there was something wrong with me; that I was somehow different, broken. I remember feeling separate from people, unable to connect, 'unlovable', 'not good enough'.
I remember my parents suggesting the work to me, knowing that it makes a huge difference for people.
I remember feeling like maybe if I did enough of the work, that I would be 'fixed'. I remember walking away with an amazing amount of tools, a lot of things that were very helpful, a brand new lease on life... And still feeling isolated, different and broken in a lot of ways. (I've since found a way of living that has alleviated that.) I remember - in continuing to feel 'broken' in the weeks following the courses - the feelings of disappointment, let down, and of being deceived.
I remember my friends rolling their eyes at me, and being made fun of for taking part in those courses.
That last one is still particularly painful.
I didn't even know that I was carrying those last two around until my dad offered me a registration into a course that's coming up that would be paid for, half the length of the typical course, and much more workable hours (in other words, the 'usual' turn-offs were already managed) - and I still had a whole bunch of stuff come up.
Whether or not I registered, I figured it was definitely worth taking a look at what was being triggered.
Either way, it was a nice reminder to take a look at the tools I have and - well, maybe /use/ them with a little more frequency. ;)
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Still kickin'.
Well, I completed that NaNoWriMo novel. I also managed to complete it within the amount of time allotted - 30 days. I'm pretty impressed with that.
W and I are starting to get our feet back under us again; the wedding made it a phenomenal year, and, in a lot of ways it has also been one in which we've felt an awful lot like we keep getting kicked while we're down. I'm sure I'll post more about that as we start to get some of those things resolved - until then, I'd prefer not to go into details on the internet.
Also got those tanks I ordered back in July, and so my reptiles are back at home with me; this feels very, very good.
Definitely enjoying it.
I'm sure there will be more later, and right now, mostly, I'm exhausted.
Over and out.
W and I are starting to get our feet back under us again; the wedding made it a phenomenal year, and, in a lot of ways it has also been one in which we've felt an awful lot like we keep getting kicked while we're down. I'm sure I'll post more about that as we start to get some of those things resolved - until then, I'd prefer not to go into details on the internet.
Also got those tanks I ordered back in July, and so my reptiles are back at home with me; this feels very, very good.
Definitely enjoying it.
I'm sure there will be more later, and right now, mostly, I'm exhausted.
Over and out.
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